Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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