your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
