I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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