just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
