btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
