My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
