so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
50% drunk capacity currently
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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