I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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