That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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