Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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