A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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