ya dads aren't the best wingmen
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
