whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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