i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
