I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
