remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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