Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
