idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
