She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
