I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
