if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
