They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
