I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
