Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
