I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
