I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
