This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
