i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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