i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
