So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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