Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Couch. On fire.
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