Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Farmville is her only friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
