My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
