she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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