Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
