For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
