I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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