Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
