End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
