Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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