I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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