i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
