he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
