I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
