I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
