i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
