I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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