I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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