She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
