Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
