i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
