Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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